Five rules for eternal misery: 1) Always try to exhort others to look upon you favorably. 2) Make lots of assumptions about situations and be sure to treat these assumptions as though they are reality. 3) Then treat each new situation as though it's a crisis. 4) Live in the past and future only (become obsessed with how much better things might have been or how much worse things might become). 5) Occasionally stomp on yourself for being so stupid as to follow the first four rules.